I'LL MAKE YOU NEVER SHED A DAMN TEAR ♥

[` alex harlett]

``lights, camera, it's alex!
alex harlett •• twenty four •• media•• journalist

{{ pocket full of believers
INSEPARABLE GUY [0/2] stay here shadows want to catch me when we go then we go together
INSEPARABLE GIRL [0/2] you are everything that I am and everything that's flowing through
BEST FRIENDS [0/3] we will always support each other no matter where we're heading to
CHILDHOOD FRIENDS no matter how deep I don't want to be alone there let us go now
PARTNERS IN CRIME together into the night I hear when you're quietly screaming
CLOSE FRIENDS sensing every breathe you take even when fate will tear us apart
AVERAGE FRIENDS No matter what comes after that and that's what we'll share
PARTY FRIENDS I don't want to be alone there let’s go together into the night
ENEMY TURNED FRIEND some point it'll be time let’s go together into the night
SECRET FRIEND into the night, sometime, into the night and only with you together
FAKE FRIEND hold me; else I'll be drifting alone in the night take me along and hold me
ACQUAINTANCES else I'll be drifting alone in the night you are everything that I am and true
CLASSMATES I think we have an emergency if you thought I would breathe then you were wrong
SCHOOLMATES because I won't stop holding on. so are you listening? So are you watching me now?

{{ for always and forever
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS empty streets I follow every breath into the night the wind so cold
CRUSH ON YOU the sun is frozen the world has lost its light I carry your picture deep in me
CRUSH ON ME back to you over 1000 seas back to us don’t lose your trust and your belief
MUTUAL CRUSH we have to go 1000 oceans wide 1000 dark years when time has died
FLIRTING we have to go 1000 oceans wide 1000 times against an endless tide again
PHYSICAL ATTRACTION I know somewhere we'll find a little place for you and me
FORBIDDEN it all turned out a different way can't feel the pulse in our veins so
ON AND OFF so weak today we'll let our heartbeat guide us through the dark
CURRENT we'll be free to live our life there's nothing and no one we'll miss
PAST IN GOOD TERMS one day we'll look back with no regrets 1000 oceans
PAST IN BAD TERMS 1000 endless years have died 1000 oceans wide all over
PAST AND NOT OVER IT please don't drift away from me we have to go through
FLING 1000 dark years when time has died 1000 stars are passing by then we’ll be
ONE NIGHT STAND in me, it’s starting to get cold how long can we still be here together
SECRET ADMIRER stay here shadows want to catch me when we go then we can go together
FLEETING GLANCES you are everything that I am and everything that's flowing trough my veins

{{ pretty handsome awkward
TOLERABLE you are what I don't want to be you rather are dead than being Bill so you too you
ANNOYANCE no need to thank me I got no idea what it is what makes me sick with you here
AVOIDANCE damn butthead do not take it personal I don't talk such shit like you do no
IGNORANCE I don't go for the same bands like you do that is okay with me but do
JEALOUSY please let’s keep on to not staying friends I prefer that we don't like
LOVE/HATE never had the same opinion is better to brown-nose each other
FRIENDLY RIVALS it’s also okay with you isn't it without guys like you and me
FRIEND TURNED ENEMY it would be a humdrum I have to see you every day
DISLIKE you’re the coolest among the idiots rivet chains and tattoo that mom said
GRUDGE in return you wear daddy's long johns I don't wear such shit like you nor girls
RIVALS that is okay with me but do me this one favor let us keep on to not staying friends
HATRED I prefer that we do not like each other never have the same opinion is better than another
HARDCORE HATE it’s also okay with you isn't it without guys like you and me it would be so humdrum

{{ keeping my faith in you
RESPECTS if you thought I'd breathe then you were wrong because I won't stop holding on
FEARS this is an emergency so are you listening? And I can't pretend that I don't see this
TRUSTS it’s really not your fault and no one cares to talk about it to talk about it now
MIXED FEELINGS I did see love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive
CONFUSION when you deserved to be alive so give up every chance you get just
BROTHER/SISTER Just to feel new again I think we have an emergency I think
COUSIN and you do your best to show me love but you don't know what love is
ROLE MODEL so are you listening? So are you watching me? I can’t pretend that I
MENTOR it's really not your fault and no one cares to talk about it to talk about it cause
OTHERS [SPECIFY] I've seen love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive I’ve

{{ it’s my time to shine
hell yeah it’s my time to shine! hahaha. okay fine. this pretty amazing relationship plottage thingy is made by me, bry, a.k.a. xxmizzbry in dust and paint and in white
pages

[/url] too. oh yes. I’m pretty much and all-around person. hahaha. don’t
you just love it? now I’m going to stab you with a mouldy wooden fork[/color]
if you steel this amazing plot page of mine. really. oh, and I almost
forgot that the colors are from the oh-so-lovable color blender.
in posting, you must remember to use the quote button to get the
colors and such. it would be a lot easier for the user to post it all in.
btw. songs are from my favorite bands tokio hotel and paramore. hell
yeah they rock! thousand oceans by th, translated freunde blieben by th,
translated in die nacht also by th, lastly, we have emergency by paramore. i
just have no idea if the translated versions of the songs are correct in meaning.
that is all for now and I’m amazed that you have read all of my ramblings. ktnxbai.

HALEY'S NOTES AND ABOUT ALEX! okay so this is alex, chances are she she doesn't like you, or doesn't know you well enough to have an opinion of you. she just moved here with her son from philadelphia, so unless you grew up in philly you're not going to be childhood friends or whatever. her son is the child of matt reed, her high school sweetheart, and since she was only one month pregnant when they were forced to split and he was long gone when she found out, he is unaware that he's got a kid with alex. alex is a music journalist, she has build up enough of a recognizable name for herself in the music world that she can essentially make or break an artist's or band's career. she moved to california to broaden her career with her son and is not looking for hoards of friends with benefits or lovers. ok so when you post, post once out of code then once in code. please find three matching, high quality icons, that'd be rad and it would be really awesome if you put a space between each icon before you post. if not, you stretch out my page, i get annoyed, i pm you, you pm me back with some excuse, i pm you back saying its okay, just change the damn thing and they you finally do it; moral of the story it just put spaces between the icons or you will waste my time, your time, and everyone's space. that's pretty much it, got a question?? pm me. thanks for reading this if you actually did, if you didn't and you do something like make them childhood friends, find three different icons and dont even put spaces in them i'll laugh at you and your incompetence!! won't that be great?[/size][/font]
[/center]

``

[/color]it's a wrap![/i][/size][/font][/center]

[` alex harlett]

[/color] casey mae jones,[/size][/font]

twenty three • • socialite • • college kid[/font]
PARTNERS IN CRIME together into the night I hear when you're quietly screaming
PARTY FRIENDS I don't want to be alone there let’s go together into the night
FLIRTING we have to go 1000 oceans wide 1000 times against an endless tide again
PHYSICAL ATTRACTION I know somewhere we'll find a little place for you and me
FEARS this is an emergency so are you listening? And I can't pretend that I don't see this
OTHERS [PROTECTIVE(MUTUAL)] I've seen love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive I’ve
[/center]
casey says, "oh hey i love you"[/font]
alex says, "oh hey thanks"[/font][/ul]

[ul][center]
[font=georgia][SIZE=10][color=groupcolor]• [/SIZE] character name here[color=dodgerblueforboyshotpinkforgirls],[/color][/color][/font]
three HIGH QUALITY icons. with your character and mine, if you can.
[SIZE=1][font=verdana]age shots [color=dodgerblueforboyshotpinkforgirls]• •[/color] user group [color=dodgerblueforboyshotpinkforgirls]• •[/color] occupation[/color][/font]
[size=1][font=verdana]relationship here, doll. quote above![/size][/font]
[/center]
[size=1][font=verdana][b]character name says,[/b] "history here - all in lowercase - minimum of eight sentences."[/size][/font]
[size=0][font=verdana][b]alex says,[/b] "what i say here. if i haven't posted in yours, leave blank."[/size][/font]
[/ul]

[` alex harlett]

{{ for always and forever

[/font][/center]

[/color] matthew robert reed ,[/size][/font]

twenty five shots • • crew • • studio musician/bartender[/font]
BEST FRIENDS we will always support each other no matter where we're heading to
CHILDHOOD FRIENDS no matter how deep I don't want to be alone there let us go now
PARTY FRIENDS I don't want to be alone there let’s go together into the night
MUTUAL CRUSH we have to go 1000 oceans wide 1000 dark years when time has died
FLIRTING we have to go 1000 oceans wide 1000 times against an endless tide again
PHYSICAL ATTRACTION I know somewhere we'll find a little place for you and me
PAST IN GOOD TERMS one day we'll look back with no regrets 1000 oceans
PAST AND NOT OVER IT please don't drift away from me we have to go through
AVOIDANCE damn butthead do not take it personal I don't talk such shit like you do no
LOVE/HATE never had the same opinion is better to brown-nose each other
FRIENDLY RIVALS it’s also okay with you isn't it without guys like you and me
RESPECTS if you thought I'd breathe then you were wrong because I won't stop holding on
FEARS this is an emergency so are you listening? And I can't pretend that I don't see this
TRUSTS it’s really not your fault and no one cares to talk about it to talk about it now
MIXED FEELINGS I did see love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive
CONFUSION when you deserved to be alive so give up every chance you get just
HIS CHILD’S MOTHER I've seen love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive I’ve[/font][/center]

matthew name says, "when i was a young dude, i was a bit of a troublesome youth. and my ignorance for house rules, and school as well as my continuous fighting and being brought home by the police caused my parents to finally decide to agree on sending me away. my mom was pushing for military school but my dad decided it would be better to get sent to a reform school. there, i received anger management and counselling and it really helped me. on my first day of my junior year, i felt really out of place. i had been held back a year because i had missed so much school, they said i had a lot to catch up on. first day, first class and this girl runs in late. everyone was a little defensive i guess, we didn't all know each other, some of us were new and i guess as both me and alex were new, we banded together. for the first few weeks we were on and off, but soon we were just on. there was a lot i liked about her, she was passionate and feisty, she was a strong female with a feminine streak and she could have a laugh too. i guess in some weird way she reminded me of my mom, and i felt really relaxed in her presence. oh at times we'd butt heads because we were both pretty stubborn. but we always made up after it..

we started hooking up a few months into our junior year and pretty soon me and alex harlett were dating. i'd been with girls in the past but alex was the only person who could awaken so many emotions in me. so you could say it stunned me and broke my heart to have to part ways with her when graduation came. she lived in philadelphia and i lived in california and neither of us expressed any major desire to move our entire life to another state so far away. even if i did, alex wouldn't let me. wouldn't want me to change my life just for her. she obviously didn't realise how much she meant to me and how much i loved her. i never loved anyone like i did her. i went home to california and pretty soon i was on the road, working as a crew member for my friends and their band. i won't lie and say i forgot about her. i spent the better part of two years trying to get her out of my dreams. i'd see her face everywhere. i even once stooped so low as buying the same perfume she used to use. i know, that was sad.

but i loved her with every fibre of my being. after a while and a few friends with benefits, i tried to settle down. but i think subconsciously, out of fear my heart couldn't handle more trauma like that again, it wouldn't work out. i haven't had a serious relationship since, just casual stuff. she was no longer in my head but i guess our past still controlled me for a while. i couldn't let myself love anyone but if i'm honest, i've never really felt any desire to find a serious relationship. i see girls casually, sometimes for a few months and you could call it an open relationship i guess! alex hadn't crossed my mind in years. until i saw her recently in a park and almost got a migraine from memories flooding back to me so quickly. just seeing her again caused electricity to race through me. my alex harlot, standing right before me. her dewy skin just inches from mine as we embraced in shock. she smelled just like i remembered. it gave my goosebumps.

i wanted to peel off her clothes right there in the middle of the park and tell her how much i missed her. no, not tell her how much, i'd show her how much. well, that was until i was introduced to her son. her son. HER SON? yeah. my alex harlot, had a kid after high school. i didn't know what to say. we didn't exactly have this big break up because we fell out of love. we made a rational and mature equal decision to end something so amazing (fucking idiotic, i know this now.) and it tore me apart. but here she was, with a son called jack. well hey, she moved on fast. or so i thought. and then he smiled and i saw those dimples. those dimples i see in my own reflection. dear god. hello, my son jack. she didn't have to say anything, her shocked face said it all. i knew now. that was my son, she had given birth to my son. i guess i was angry. at myself for being stupid enough to go back to california without her. angry at her for not picking up the phone and letting me know, and raising him by herself when she could have told me, i could have been there for her. and for jack.

but after i had had the time to think about this, to let it sort of sink in (and to let me call my sister and cry like a pansy down the phone to her to the point she sped over and like, hugged me) and calmed down, i got in touch with her and asked her if we could meet up. not with jack, just to talk. so when it was arranged, we went for lunch and she told me what happened and we had mini rants at each other about why she should have told me and why she didn't tell me. see, we're both stubborn and hot headed. but what was always good about me and alex, was out ability to make up. just right now, minus the make up sex. we don't need another baby. i just don't know what to think anymore. i have a son. i am a daddy. i've always wanted kids but i pictured it so differently. what if we can't connect and he hates me? at this point i'm very confused and am finding feelings i've always had for alex festering that are surfacing. i'm unsure if this is good or bad."[/font]

alex says, "once upon a time there was this girl named alex and she was fucked up both literally and figuratively in every way possible. it was a shame too, a girl that had so much potential, and she knew it too. she could have turned out to be so much more but if she had she would have never met a boy. yeah, i know i was messed up; have you ever looked at my record? it would be enough to make you cry; i mean assault, breaking and entering, multiple accounts of grand theft auto and drug possession, speeding, i'm surprised that i'm not in jail right now. the state took pity on me long enough until they finally decided reform school should work. i guess it did, i mean i was sober, in anger management and basically in charm school. it didn't start out so great though, i mean my first impression on any teacher was showing up late to class with a buzz and the skirt of my uniform cut up, wearing knee-high doc martens instead of "proper footwear" i mean i didn't care what my teacher thought when i saw that boy giving me a look of approval.

that boy ended up being matt reed, the love of my life, the man of my dreams. we connected right away, adopted the same group of friends and were around each other almost all the time. i didn't mind at all, except when we would get into fairly heated arguments about the dumbest things ever. we would always hug at the end of them though, eventually the hugs lasted longer, so did the glances, so did his arm over my shoulder... the kissing. he made me feel safe, and made me feel good about myself. the first person ever to do such an amazing thing for me. i just liked everything about the way i felt and looked and thought when he was in my life. we started dating, we got really serious, i mean so serious that during our summer vacation i spent half of the time in california and he spend the other half with me in philly. and then it was over. he was gone. we graduated as new people who had developed into people that society would accept together. sure, he said, even insisted that he come with me to philadelphia but i knew i would just serve as nothing but a roadblock to him, since i can't think of a better metaphor. i couldn't let him throw everything he had going for him just so that he could be with me. so we said our teary goodbyes and that was it. and then i felt the first cramp.

there were a lot more, and i didn't know i was pregnant until the fifth month because i was barely showing and thought that i was only missing my period because i was in kick ass shape, i mean it had happened before so i didn't expect anything. i knew i needed to tell him, i knew it was his since i went through a five month dry spell and a period of mourning. i could never get him out of my head, i couldn't see anyone's faces anymore, every time i closed my eyes he was there. sometimes i thought i could still feel him too... but then i knew that i would just ruin his life, plus i had no way to contact him, or i just didn't look that hard. then i thought about an abortion, especially when the little fuck kicked, that was just annoying as hell. but i didn't. i thought about it so much and then i went into labor, that one sucked. i had a plan to give the kid up though until the doctor asked if i wanted to hold him. well, i wanted to see what was making my life miserable for nine months so i said yes and the doctor put him in my arms. he stopped crying, everything went quiet. i was now crying, he was smiling. THE DIMPLES!!!!!!!!!! i was holding my baby boy, our baby boy. then between my tears i smiled at jack, he looked just like him. he still does.

so now the girl is nineteen with a baby and writing articles for local newspapers and underground magazines for money, one day rolling stone picks up one of my articles and offers me a job. i mean fuck who wouldn't? so i wrote for them for a while and still kept my freelancing job and i was able to put my own roof over our heads. then revolver and ap picked me up, and basically we were set. over the next few years i had regular columns in all three magazines, i had enough of a name for myself in the music industry that i made and destroyed the careers of some of the musicians. it was great, i would wright half of the day then have the other half to do whatever the hell i wanted to do with my kid. jack grew up to start being the cheeky fuck matt was. every father's day though i got the same question since he could talk. "why don't i have a daddy?" i would tell him "you do, you have a wonderful and amazing daddy who someday you'll hopefully be able to meet. but he's way far away" or something like that. that question hurts so much. why doesn't he have a daddy? because i'm a spineless wreck who couldn't pick up the phone.

rolling stone, revolver and a few of my other publishers wanted me to move to la, to get a better scene and be in the middle of it all. i told jack, my parents and my brothers. we lived with adam for the first two days while the previous tenants were moving out of our condo and then we moved in. i thought it would be great for jack, to grow up near the beach and near a city, just to be able to experience so much. so i take him to the park the day we finished moving all of our stuff in, since he had been good and didn't complain while mommy moved all of the stuff and yelled at movers (im sure he learned all sorts of new words that day) and while we were there i heard that voice that i had tried not to think about for the longest time. he looked the same, felt the same, smelled the same, sounded the same. matt was there. i never made the connection once, southern california was where matt had lived, so why would i not run into him there? that was fucking dumb of me. i could feel my heart flutter again, i actually think that it stopped...

so yeah, we were saying hi, hugging, being awkward and little jack comes bouncing over. i could see a look in matt's eye, a look saying something like "wow... you got busy fast" and i was just so nervous and dancing around answers when he asked me about jack and finally he figured it out. i guess jack got to meet his daddy a lot sooner than i thought. we behaved in front of our son, but i could tell he was disappointed in me, i was disappointed in myself, you know? i mean who wouldn't be. so we went home, i called my brother adam and freaked out, he offered to come take care of jack for a few hours while i took time to collect my thoughts and cool down and then matt called. so i dropped jack off at school one day and then went to write and then out to lunch with matt.

i told him everything, my reasoning, and i guess my tone was a bit defensive because we got in a few arguments but like always, we made up. he's started to show up in my dreams and thoughts again. i feel like it may all be happening again, but i doubt it. it just feels weird though; we show up somewhere while something life changing goes on. for him he finds out he has a son and i've just moved three thousand miles for my job. we're on and off and hot and cold, and maybe we'll just be on all the time. it's sort of like a circle story, and i can't lie... i don't hate it"[/font][/ul]

[matt reed]

[/color] matthew robert reed ,[/size][/font]

twenty five shots • • crew • • studio musician/bartender[/font]
BEST FRIENDS we will always support each other no matter where we're heading to
CHILDHOOD FRIENDS no matter how deep I don't want to be alone there let us go now
PARTY FRIENDS I don't want to be alone there let’s go together into the night
MUTUAL CRUSH we have to go 1000 oceans wide 1000 dark years when time has died
FLIRTING we have to go 1000 oceans wide 1000 times against an endless tide again
PHYSICAL ATTRACTION I know somewhere we'll find a little place for you and me
PAST IN GOOD TERMS one day we'll look back with no regrets 1000 oceans
PAST AND NOT OVER IT please don't drift away from me we have to go through
AVOIDANCE damn butthead do not take it personal I don't talk such shit like you do no
LOVE/HATE never had the same opinion is better to brown-nose each other
FRIENDLY RIVALS it’s also okay with you isn't it without guys like you and me
RESPECTS if you thought I'd breathe then you were wrong because I won't stop holding on
FEARS this is an emergency so are you listening? And I can't pretend that I don't see this
TRUSTS it’s really not your fault and no one cares to talk about it to talk about it now
MIXED FEELINGS I did see love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive
CONFUSION when you deserved to be alive so give up every chance you get just
HIS CHILD’S MOTHER I've seen love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive I’ve[/font][/center]

matthew name says, "when i was a young dude, i was a bit of a troublesome youth. and my ignorance for house rules, and school as well as my continuous fighting and being brought home by the police caused my parents to finally decide to agree on sending me away. my mom was pushing for military school but my dad decided it would be better to get sent to a reform school. there, i received anger management and counselling and it really helped me. on my first day of my junior year, i felt really out of place. i had been held back a year because i had missed so much school, they said i had a lot to catch up on. first day, first class and this girl runs in late. everyone was a little defensive i guess, we didn't all know each other, some of us were new and i guess as both me and alex were new, we banded together. for the first few weeks we were on and off, but soon we were just on. there was a lot i liked about her, she was passionate and feisty, she was a strong female with a feminine streak and she could have a laugh too. i guess in some weird way she reminded me of my mom, and i felt really relaxed in her presence. oh at times we'd butt heads because we were both pretty stubborn. but we always made up after it..

we started hooking up a few months into our junior year and pretty soon me and alex harlett were dating. i'd been with girls in the past but alex was the only person who could awaken so many emotions in me. so you could say it stunned me and broke my heart to have to part ways with her when graduation came. she lived in philadelphia and i lived in california and neither of us expressed any major desire to move our entire life to another state so far away. even if i did, alex wouldn't let me. wouldn't want me to change my life just for her. she obviously didn't realise how much she meant to me and how much i loved her. i never loved anyone like i did her. i went home to california and pretty soon i was on the road, working as a crew member for my friends and their band. i won't lie and say i forgot about her. i spent the better part of two years trying to get her out of my dreams. i'd see her face everywhere. i even once stooped so low as buying the same perfume she used to use. i know, that was sad.

but i loved her with every fibre of my being. after a while and a few friends with benefits, i tried to settle down. but i think subconsciously, out of fear my heart couldn't handle more trauma like that again, it wouldn't work out. i haven't had a serious relationship since, just casual stuff. she was no longer in my head but i guess our past still controlled me for a while. i couldn't let myself love anyone but if i'm honest, i've never really felt any desire to find a serious relationship. i see girls casually, sometimes for a few months and you could call it an open relationship i guess! alex hadn't crossed my mind in years. until i saw her recently in a park and almost got a migraine from memories flooding back to me so quickly. just seeing her again caused electricity to race through me. my alex harlot, standing right before me. her dewy skin just inches from mine as we embraced in shock. she smelled just like i remembered. it gave my goosebumps.

i wanted to peel off her clothes right there in the middle of the park and tell her how much i missed her. no, not tell her how much, i'd show her how much. well, that was until i was introduced to her son. her son. HER SON? yeah. my alex harlot, had a kid after high school. i didn't know what to say. we didn't exactly have this big break up because we fell out of love. we made a rational and mature equal decision to end something so amazing (fucking idiotic, i know this now.) and it tore me apart. but here she was, with a son called jack. well hey, she moved on fast. or so i thought. and then he smiled and i saw those dimples. those dimples i see in my own reflection. dear god. hello, my son jack. she didn't have to say anything, her shocked face said it all. i knew now. that was my son, she had given birth to my son. i guess i was angry. at myself for being stupid enough to go back to california without her. angry at her for not picking up the phone and letting me know, and raising him by herself when she could have told me, i could have been there for her. and for jack.

but after i had had the time to think about this, to let it sort of sink in (and to let me call my sister and cry like a pansy down the phone to her to the point she sped over and like, hugged me) and calmed down, i got in touch with her and asked her if we could meet up. not with jack, just to talk. so when it was arranged, we went for lunch and she told me what happened and we had mini rants at each other about why she should have told me and why she didn't tell me. see, we're both stubborn and hot headed. but what was always good about me and alex, was out ability to make up. just right now, minus the make up sex. we don't need another baby. i just don't know what to think anymore. i have a son. i am a daddy. i've always wanted kids but i pictured it so differently. what if we can't connect and he hates me? at this point i'm very confused and am finding feelings i've always had for alex festering that are surfacing. i'm unsure if this is good or bad."[/font]
alex says, "what i say here. if i haven't posted in yours, leave blank."[/font][/ul]

[ul][center][font=georgia][SIZE=10][color=D888B9]• [/color] matthew robert reed [color=dodgerblue],[/color][/size][/font]
[IMG]http://i36.tinypic.com/27wrjp.png[/IMG] [IMG]http://i35.tinypic.com/fx5aiv.png[/IMG] [IMG]http://i37.tinypic.com/2n6yvk9.png[/IMG]
[SIZE=1][font=verdana]twenty five shots [color=dodgerblue]• •[/color] crew [color=dodgerblue]• •[/color] studio musician/bartender[/size][/font]
[size=1][font=verdana]BEST FRIENDS [color=D17979]we will always support each other no matter where we're heading to[/color]
CHILDHOOD FRIENDS [color=D17979]no matter how deep I don't want to be alone there let us go now[/color]
PARTY FRIENDS [color=749E9E]I don't want to be alone there let’s go together into the night[/color]
MUTUAL CRUSH [color=FF1C6B]we have to go 1000 oceans wide 1000 dark years when time has died[/color]
FLIRTING [color=FF257D]we have to go 1000 oceans wide 1000 times against an endless tide again[/color]
PHYSICAL ATTRACTION [color=FF257D]I know somewhere we'll find a little place for you and me[/color]
PAST IN GOOD TERMS [color=FF38A2]one day we'll look back with no regrets 1000 oceans[/color]
PAST AND NOT OVER IT [color=FF41B5]please don't drift away from me we have to go through[/color]
AVOIDANCE [color=5DAC13]damn butthead do not take it personal I don't talk such shit like you do no[/color]
LOVE/HATE [color=53BE25]never had the same opinion is better to brown-nose each other[/color]
FRIENDLY RIVALS [color=4FC72E]it’s also okay with you isn't it without guys like you and me[/color]
RESPECTS [color=CC00FF]if you thought I'd breathe then you were wrong because I won't stop holding on[/color]
FEARS [color=B01CF6]this is an emergency so are you listening? And I can't pretend that I don't see this[/color]
TRUSTS [color=A22AF1]it’s really not your fault and no one cares to talk about it to talk about it now[/color]
MIXED FEELINGS [color=8646E8]I did see love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive[/color]
CONFUSION [color=7953E3]when you deserved to be alive so give up every chance you get just[/color]
HIS CHILD’S MOTHER [color=3399CC]I've seen love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive I’ve[/color][/size][/font][/center]

[size=1][font=verdana][b]matthew name says,[/b] "when i was a young dude, i was a bit of a troublesome youth. and my ignorance for house rules, and school as well as my continuous fighting and being brought home by the police caused my parents to finally decide to agree on sending me away. my mom was pushing for military school but my dad decided it would be better to get sent to a reform school. there, i received anger management and counselling and it really helped me. on my first day of my junior year, i felt really out of place. i had been held back a year because i had missed so much school, they said i had a lot to catch up on. first day, first class and this girl runs in late. everyone was a little defensive i guess, we didn't all know each other, some of us were new and i guess as both me and alex were new, we banded together. for the first few weeks we were on and off, but soon we were just on. there was a lot i liked about her, she was passionate and feisty, she was a strong female with a feminine streak and she could have a laugh too. i guess in some weird way she reminded me of my mom, and i felt really relaxed in her presence. oh at times we'd butt heads because we were both pretty stubborn. but we always made up after it..

we started hooking up a few months into our junior year and pretty soon me and alex harlett were dating. i'd been with girls in the past but alex was the only person who could awaken so many emotions in me. so you could say it stunned me and broke my heart to have to part ways with her when graduation came. she lived in philadelphia and i lived in california and neither of us expressed any major desire to move our entire life to another state so far away. even if i did, alex wouldn't let me. wouldn't want me to change my life just for her. she obviously didn't realise how much she meant to me and how much i loved her. i never loved anyone like i did her. i went home to california and pretty soon i was on the road, working as a crew member for my friends and their band. i won't lie and say i forgot about her. i spent the better part of two years trying to get her out of my dreams. i'd see her face everywhere. i even once stooped so low as buying the same perfume she used to use. i know, that was sad.

but i loved her with every fibre of my being. after a while and a few friends with benefits, i tried to settle down. but i think subconsciously, out of fear my heart couldn't handle more trauma like that again, it wouldn't work out. i haven't had a serious relationship since, just casual stuff. she was no longer in my head but i guess our past still controlled me for a while. i couldn't let myself love anyone but if i'm honest, i've never really felt any desire to find a serious relationship. i see girls casually, sometimes for a few months and you could call it an open relationship i guess! alex hadn't crossed my mind in years. until i saw her recently in a park and almost got a migraine from memories flooding back to me so quickly. just seeing her again caused electricity to race through me. my alex harlot, standing right before me. her dewy skin just inches from mine as we embraced in shock. she smelled just like i remembered. it gave my goosebumps.

i wanted to peel off her clothes right there in the middle of the park and tell her how much i missed her. no, not tell her how much, i'd show her how much. well, that was until i was introduced to her son. her son. HER SON? yeah. my alex harlot, had a kid after high school. i didn't know what to say. we didn't exactly have this big break up because we fell out of love. we made a rational and mature equal decision to end something so amazing (fucking idiotic, i know this now.) and it tore me apart. but here she was, with a son called jack. well hey, she moved on fast. or so i thought. and then he smiled and i saw those dimples. those dimples i see in my own reflection. dear god. hello, my son jack. she didn't have to say anything, her shocked face said it all. i knew now. that was my son, she had given birth to my son. i guess i was angry. at myself for being stupid enough to go back to california without her. angry at her for not picking up the phone and letting me know, and raising him by herself when she could have told me, i could have been there for her. and for jack.

but after i had had the time to think about this, to let it sort of sink in (and to let me call my sister and cry like a pansy down the phone to her to the point she sped over and like, hugged me) and calmed down, i got in touch with her and asked her if we could meet up. not with jack, just to talk. so when it was arranged, we went for lunch and she told me what happened and we had mini rants at each other about why she should have told me and why she didn't tell me. see, we're both stubborn and hot headed. but what was always good about me and alex, was out ability to make up. just right now, minus the make up sex. we don't need another baby. i just don't know what to think anymore. i have a son. i am a daddy. i've always wanted kids but i pictured it so differently. what if we can't connect and he hates me? at this point i'm very confused and am finding feelings i've always had for alex festering that are surfacing. i'm unsure if this is good or bad."[/size][/font]
[size=0][font=verdana][b]alex says,[/b] "what i say here. if i haven't posted in yours, leave blank."[/size][/font][/ul]